The Evangelical-becomes-a-Catholic story is not that often heard, and the struggles of this minority are rarely given a voice. So come along with me, and you can walk an aisle in my shoes. The road is long, and fraught with peril. For someone who grew up raising their hands in worship and "singing in the Spirit," the liturgical moves of mass can leave you feeling a little out of the club.
There was a time when I spoke in tongues with the best of them! I started a Bible club at school with my friends, and we called ourselves the Knight Lights (of the Fairview Knights... yes, I thought of the name). And nay a See-You-At-The-Pole would pass without my presence! There was a year I was literally in 4-5 Bible Studies, and met privately with two mentors. I was a beacon of evangelicalism in my school. Senior year, I gave a persuasive speech on why Evolution was wrong (inspired by a Chuch series-on-tape called "Evilution"). I stood up for Christ when his image was scarred by the Da Vinci code! How did someone so strictly on the narrow path veer so wildly into the Wilderness of Catholicism? (Catholics are hardly Christians! Maybe some of them have a personal relationship with Christ strong enough to sneak themselves into the lump of Lutherans and Presbyterians who sneak into heaven, but most of them are just really into rules!)
And here I am, 5 years later, and I'm one Catechism away from swearing allegiance to the other side. Something about the architecture and the hats stole my heart (along with the sacramental theology and apostolic authority). I may as well have spit on my copy of The Message, and ripped the Jesus fish from the back bumper of my car, only after purposely running over my DC Talk "Jesus Freak" CD. Call me daddy, said the Pope. Ok. I think my own earthly Father would have preferred if I had smoken some "reefer."
Recently, I went to Mass, and I was feeling fairly comfortable with the moves after a few weeks, so I was playing along. Dip hand in holy water, cross yourself (think about your baptism), kneel as you enter the pew (reverence for the presence of Christ in the elements), stand up, 13th Sunday in Ordinary time, cross yourself, Glory to you, Lord, Jesus Christ, I believe in the Father... Yeah, I'm doing this right! These people probably think I'm a Catholic visiting from another Parish! At least until the Eucharist, when I have to move aside and let the people in the aisle behind me go up for communion, while I stay in my chair and think about what we Protestants have done...
At one point in the service, I notice that a lot of people are holding hands. In a moment of ecumenical confidence, I reached over and took the hand of the girl next to me. She was my age, and seemed like she's being doing this for a long time. Then, a few seconds later, I realized that the only peope hold hands was a big family in the row in front of us. I had all these thoughts in rapid succession: "Oh my God, this girls not squeezing back! ... she probably think I'm nuts!... Everyone knows I'm faking it!!... How do I let go of her hand without her realizing that I grabbed it in the first place?!"... I looked at our hands, looked at her, blurted out, "I'm Sorry!" and pulled my hand away. "No problem," she said, and she gave me a sort of half-smile that said, "What is wrong with you?"
Shoot.
Stay tuned next week, ladies and gents! Same time, same place, Leah stumbles and fumbles her way through the liturgy!
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That is so great. I learned last week that you don't have to stay in the pew during communion. The priest loves it when you go up as if you are going to take communion and place your arms across your chest, like some of our protestant bretheren. The priest will then pray for you! News to me, but I love it.
ReplyDeleteSide note: If reading the book "Rome Sweet Home" was on the reading list of every Christian college, I think there would be more folks on board with a unified Christendom. I know there are centuries of pride on all sides to get in the way, but I remain hopeful! I was speaking to a Roman Catholic friend the other day after he had invited me to a daily mass at an abbey, what an experience. (At that point I thought the customary thing to do was step aside during the Eucharist, prior to my knowing about laying my hands across my chest to receive prayer.) Anyhow, my new Catholic friend reminded me over lunch that Satan is out to get all Christians regardless of where we stand regarding Mary, the saints or the Pope... which stretches me to think more about unity, solidarity, and safety in numbers-- the things that brothers and sisters feel and think about in order to protect and love each other rather than divide each other.
Leah, your blog is hilarious! I love it so much. SO many great lines...I had tears running down my cheeks, but this is primarily b/c of my cold. BUT STILL! Also b/c of the blog!
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